Ruin Page 14

  My heart reacts to the memory of that and not the words Rich just spoke.

  “Well, I’m very missable.” I shrug, playing it off, desperate to ignore my internal discomfort.

  He smiles again and shoves his hand through his hair.

  “I should get going.” I thumb over my shoulder. “Can’t be gone too long.”

  “I’ll come with you. I could do with a coffee after the long shift I just had.”

  We walk side by side, making small talk, as we head to the coffee shop.

  We reach the door, and Rich is pulling it open when I hear, “Mommy!”

  My eyes dart up, and I see Gigi and Zeus walking toward us. She’s sitting up on his shoulders, sucking on a Popsicle.

  My eyes dart to Zeus’s, and the look in them makes me want to shrink and disappear.

  “Hey, Gigi girl.” I smile up at her even though Zeus’s eyes are burning into my skin. “Whatcha doing here?”

  “I’s wanted a gurger.”

  A gurger is a burger. Gigi’s called them that forever. The first time she said it, it was so adorable that we’ve just called them gurgers ever since.

  “And Daddy didn’t have any in his fwidge, so he bwought me out to get one. Hey, Wich.” She waves at him before sticking her Popsicle back in her mouth.

  I’m feeling so off-balance at the appearance of Zeus, I don’t even comment on the fact that’s she’s eating a Popsicle before having a gurger.

  “Hey, Gigi,” Rich says to her. “How are you doing?”

  “I’s good. You wan’ some of my Popsicle?” She holds it out to him.

  “No, I’m good, but thanks. Zeus, good to see you again.”

  “I thought you were at work.” That’s Zeus speaking to me. He doesn’t even bother to acknowledge Rich, which is beyond rude.

  I pull my narrowed eyes to him and say, “I am. I just popped out for a coffee and bumped into Rich.”

  “Convenient. Well, enjoy your coffee,” he grinds out. “Say bye to your mom, Gigi.”

  “Bye, Mommy.”

  “Bye, baby.” I wave at her, but Zeus has already taken off and is striding down the street, away from me.

  I stare after them.

  Convenient? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Convenient that I was here with Rich?

  “Cam?” Rich interrupts my thoughts.

  “Mmhmm?”

  “You still want that coffee?” he asks.

  When I look up, he’s holding open the door to the coffee shop.

  “Sure,” I say.

  I cast one more glance in Zeus’s and Gigi’s direction, my heart giving a painful squeeze, before stepping inside the coffee shop.

  I’m staring at my computer screen, not actually able to take in a word of the document that I’m correcting, sipping on a triple-shot latte, after yet another crappy night’s sleep, courtesy of—yep, you guessed it—Zeus Kincaid.

  He was a total ass to me last night when he dropped Gigi off after I got home from work.

  I know he was pissed about seeing me with Rich. I’m pretty sure he thinks I arranged to meet Rich for coffee. Even if I had, it’s none of his damn business. But, even still, I felt shitty about it. I hated that he thought I would arrange to meet Rich after our kiss the night before.

  And I still need to talk to him about that, too.

  The list of things that Zeus and I need to discuss is just mounting up.

  But, when I did the grown-up thing last night and asked him if we could talk, I got…well, figuratively knocked out of the ring.

  “Zeus…do you have a minute to talk?” I asked when he arrived to drop Gigi off.

  “No,” he said without even looking at me. He leaned down and kissed the top of Gigi’s head. “I’ll see you tomorrow, baby girl. Love you.”

  “Bye, Daddy. Wuv you, too.”

  Then, he turned on his heel and walked back down the driveway. He got in his car and drove away without a backward glance.

  And I was left standing there, feeling like a complete and utter tool.

  “No.”

  That was it.

  Just no.

  Not, I gotta be somewhere right now, but we can talk later. Or, I’m not in the mood to talk right now, Cam. Even, I’m pissed at you, and I don’t want to talk, would have been better. Well, not better. But a hell of an improvement on, “No.”

  Not going to lie; it stung like a bitch when he said that. And, afterward, the more I thought about it, I started to feel a little annoyed. Okay, a lot annoyed.

  I drain off my coffee and toss the paper cup in the trash.

  Still feeling like death on legs, I grab some change from my purse and make my way to the vending machine to grab some chocolate in the hopes that the sugar might perk me up.

  I’m walking down the hall toward the machine when I see Rich coming toward me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say, from the expression on his face, I’m the last person on earth he wants to see today.

  But I’m not paranoid, so I won’t think that at all.

  Okay, maybe I’ll think it a little.

  “Hey, twice in two days. People will start to talk,” I gibe. Then, I realize what an awful gag that was in the current situation. You know, the guy I used to occasionally have sex with but stopped when the ex-love of my life and father of my child made a reappearance.

  Lame, Cam. Real lame.

  Rich smiles as he comes to a stop in front of me, but it’s a weak smile. Can’t say I blame him after that.

  “Sorry.” I wince. “That was terrible. Scratch it from your memory. My brain’s not functioning properly today. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Why? Have you spoken to Zeus?” he blurts out of nowhere.

  That gets my attention straightaway, triggering my internal bat signal to start flashing at a steady pace.

  “Not since he dropped Gigi home last night. Why?” I question, my suspicion rising.

  “No reason. Just wondered.” He tries to give a casual shrug and fails.

  “Rich, what’s going on?”

  He lets out a tired-sounding sigh. “Look, I know you and I aren’t”—his eyes convey the word he doesn’t want to say out loud in the station hallway where any ears could hear it—“at the moment and that we’re currently just friends. But I want to be straight with you. I like you, Cam. And I already wanted more from you…before Zeus turned back up in your life. I wanted to be with you. And I won’t deny that I was disappointed when you asked for us to slow things down…well, to stop doing that and just be friends until it calmed down for you with Zeus and Gigi. But I was still hoping that, going forward, we’d come back together and make a go of things. But, now, after thinking things through, I really think it would be best if we just stayed friends.”

  Hang on. Am I getting dumped by the guy I am no longer sleeping with?

  Well, if that’s not a knock to the ego, I don’t know what is.

  “Okay…” I say, still feeling a tad confused by his ramblings.

  Rich exhales a relieved sound. And my bat signal ramps up to speedy flashes.

  “Great. Well, I’m glad we had this little chat. I’ll see you around, Cam.”

  He makes to move past me, and I stop him with my hand on his arm.

  “Rich, before you go…why did you ask me if I’d spoken to Zeus?”

  “Did I?”

  “Yes.”

  He doesn’t say anything, but I can see his brain working behind his eyes. He’s weighing up the situation, figuring out what to do next, like any good cop would.

  But I was raised by a badass cop who never stops digging until she gets the answer she was looking for.

  “Rich…” I press, using my mom voice, the one I use on Gigi to get her to fess up when I know she’s done something wrong.

  He lifts a hand to his head and runs his fingers through his hair, scratching at his head. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t want to be that guy.”

  “Honestly, I’ll settle for
you being the guy who tells me what the heck is going on.”

  He pauses for the longest time, and I’m getting close to tapping my foot with impatience when he says, “I had a visitor last night.”

  “And?”

  “It was Zeus.”

  Oh.

  Fuck.

  “What did he say? And how the hell does he know where you live?”

  “That was the first question I asked him. Not that I got an answer,” he huffs, sounding aggrieved.

  Classic Zeus. Doesn’t like the question, doesn’t give an answer.

  “What did he do?”

  “Nothing.”

  My eyes scan his face, looking for any signs of injury. I can’t see a mark on him, but that doesn’t mean Zeus didn’t do anything.

  “He didn’t hit you, did he?”

  “No.” Rich laughs loudly, but it sounds too pitchy to be real. “If the guy had hit me, he would’ve spent the night in a cell here and would’ve been on his way to a court hearing first thing this morning.”

  Well, actually, you’d probably still be unconscious right now if he had hit you.

  But, of course, I don’t say that.

  Even still, I am relieved. The last thing I want is Zeus getting arrested for hitting a police officer. And, of course, I don’t want Rich getting hit by a guy who could bench-press him using just one arm.

  “Did he…threaten you?” I ask, half-closing my eyes as I wait for the answer.

  “No…the guy’s not stupid. He’s not going to threaten a police officer.”

  “So, what exactly did he say?”

  “Well…he said…”

  “You told Rich that he was standing in the way of my happiness?” I yell the second Zeus opens his front door.

  “Hello to you, too, Cam.”

  “Don’t be smart right now. I’m not in the mood.”

  “Clearly.”

  “I’m so fucking mad at you.”

  “I’m getting that.” He widens the door, standing aside. “Would you like to come in and be mad at me or stay out there while you yell at me?”

  “You’re an asshole.” I narrow my eyes and stomp past him, stopping just inside.

  He closes the door. “Where’s Gigi?” he asks.

  I give him a less than amused look. “With Aunt Elle. What the hell did you think you were doing, turning up at Rich’s house like that?”

  “Fighting for my family. Fighting for you.”

  Well, hell.

  “I just didn’t expect him to go crying to you.”

  “He didn’t come crying to me. I had to force it out of him.”

  “You can do better than that guy, Dove. He’s got no backbone.”

  “Better like you, you mean?”

  “Well, if you’re asking…”

  “Been there before. Didn’t work out so well for me the last time. And, for your information, I’m not even seeing Rich anymore. I haven’t been since you came back. He’s just a friend.”

  “Sure he is, Cam. So, you accidentally bumped into each other yesterday and decided to go for coffee?”

  “Yes! You big jerk! And, if you’d bothered to stay and talk to me last night, then you would have heard me telling you that I’d popped out of work to grab a coffee and bumped into Rich coming out of the station after his shift. We talked briefly. I said I had to go grab my coffee. He said he wanted one—”

  “I bet he did.”

  I glare at him. “He said he wanted coffee, too. So, we walked the few minutes to the coffee shop where I bumped into you and Gigi.”

  “And that was it?”

  “Yes, that was it. We got our coffees. I went back to work, and he went wherever he went—home presumably.”

  He’s staring at me like he’s trying to read my thoughts. Then, he sighs and scrubs his hands over his face.

  “Just seeing you with him after the other night…it blindsided me. It fucking hurt, Dove.”

  “Zeus…the other night…it was a mistake.”

  “No, the only mistake I ever made was walking away from you.”

  “I told you to go.”

  “I’m not talking about the other night.”

  His eyes bore into mine. His stare is so intense, I can barely handle it.

  I look away. “You can’t behave like this, Zeus. Going to Rich’s, testosterone-filled and pissing on me like you own me.”

  “You are mine.”

  Well, if that doesn’t just set me off again.

  “I’m not yours.” I grit my teeth.

  “You’ve been mine since the moment I saw you. That’s never going to change.”

  “God! You’re unbelievable.” I throw my hands up in the air. “You think the alpha-caveman act is going to work? Well, I’m telling you, it’s not!”

  “You said you wanted me to fight for you, Cam. Well, this is me fighting in the only way I know how.” He spreads his arms out wide.

  “Yeah, well, this isn’t the way.”

  “So, tell me what the way is, and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to make this work.”

  “I don’t know.” I look to the ground. “All I do know is that I don’t trust you with my feelings.”

  “I won’t hurt you again,” he whispers.

  “You once told me that you would never hurt me. So, saying you won’t hurt me again carries no weight at all.”

  “I’m not leaving, Cam.”

  “You said that before as well. And then I didn’t see you for five years.”

  He drags his hand over his hair, letting out a sound of frustration. “I explained that. I told you that I was trying to do what I thought was the right thing at the time. But I got it wrong, and it cost me you and four years of my daughter’s life. I’ve paid the price, Cam. But I’m here now. I want to be with you. I want us to be a family.”

  “You want me because of Gigi.”

  “Is that really what you think?”

  I hold his stare. “I think you love our daughter and that you’re telling yourself that you still love me because you so desperately want to get back the time you lost with her.”

  “I don’t have to be with you to spend time with my daughter. I think I’ve proven that over this past month. And I think you’re forgetting that I came back here for you before I even knew about Gigi. I came that morning for you. And, even if there was no Gigi, I would still be here, fighting for you.”

  “Until you’re not.”

  “I’m not going anywhere! How many times do I have to say this until it sinks in with you? I’m doing everything I can to prove it. I’ve postponed my fight. I’m renting this place. I’m with you and Gigi every day. I don’t know what the hell else I can do to show you that I’m sorry. That I love you.”

  He’s breathing heavily, his eyes frustrated and desperate.

  I stare at him, feeling everything and knowing nothing. “I don’t know,” I whisper, my eyes starting to water under the pressure of my own warring emotions. “I don’t know what will fix it.” I sigh, my eyes going to the door. “I should go.”

  “No.” He catches my chin in his hand, turning my eyes to his. “You’re gonna stay here, and we’re going to figure this out together because I want you, Dove. And I will do anything to make that happen. There’s no room for error when it comes to you. I have to get this right with you because I don’t want to raise my daughter alongside you while watching another man take you to his bed.”

  “Zeus…”

  “You’re mine, Dove. You always have been. You always will be.”

  “But that’s just it. I’m not yours! You saw to that when you left me!”

  “Cam…you have to start forgiving me, or this will never work.”

  “Maybe I don’t want it to work between us. You ever think of that?” I fold my arms over my chest.

  “Stop lying to yourself, Cam. The sooner you admit that you still love me, the sooner we can stop messing around and be together.”

  “Fuck you!” I toss the words at him and mak
e a grab for the door handle.

  But he’s quicker.

  The next thing I know, my back is against the door, my arms pinned over my head.

  “Oh no, you don’t. You’re not walking away from this, Cam. I told you before. We need to work this out once and for all. I’ve pussyfooted around you for long enough. Now, we work it out. What will it take for you to trust me again?”

  “I’ll never trust you again. Now, let me go,” I grit out.

  “You can. And you will. Because you still love me.”

  I let out a bitter laugh. “So sure of yourself.”

  “No, Dove. I’m sure of you. I know you better than you know yourself.”

  “Go to hell.”

  “Already been there for the last five years. Not looking to go back. Now, tell me you love me, Dove.”

  “I hate you,” I seethe. Hate him and me and everything us in this moment.

  “Now, we’re getting somewhere.”

  “Are you insane? I just told you I hate you, and you think that’s us getting somewhere?”

  “Hate is the closest emotion to love. There’s a fine line between the two. So, the fact that you say you hate me tells me that your feelings for me are still in there.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  He’s right.

  “So, tell me that you don’t love me anymore and mean it, Dove. You do that, and I’ll never bother you again. I’ll be there for Gigi. But I’ll leave you alone, so you can get on with your life.”

  I part my lips to speak.

  Say it, Cam. Just say the words, and he’ll leave you alone.

  “I…”

  Why can’t I say it?

  Because you still love him, you idiot. You’ve always loved him.

  I squeeze my eyes shut. Frustration pricking at them.

  “I…can’t,” I whisper, defeated.

  “That’s what I thought,” he says low.

  The next thing I know, his mouth is covering mine, and for the second time in two days, Zeus is kissing me.

  We’re hands and lips, tongues and teeth. Heated, crazy, out-of-control lust.

  And zero common sense.

  Well, me at least.

  A voice in the back of my head is yelling that this is a bad idea.

  I hit the mute button on that and just focus on touch and taste and need.