Ruin Read online

  Zeus’s touch.

  His taste.

  And my need for him.

  It’s raging. Wild. Burning like an inferno.

  We crash into the wall.

  He pushes my skirt up around my hips.

  I wrap my leg around his, pressing myself against him, needing to be touching every single part of him.

  Just…needing him. Right. Fucking. Now.

  He growls and grabs hold of my ass, lifting me.

  I wrap my legs around his waist.

  His tongue plunders my mouth. I match him stroke for stroke.

  My fingers wind in his hair and yank.

  He chuckles a dark sound against my lips. It’s so familiar to me, I could weep.

  “You want me to fuck you, Dove?”

  I stare at him through heavily lidded eyes. “What do you think?”

  He puts his mouth to my ear. Lips grazing my skin. “I think you want me to fuck you against this wall. Hard and deep.”

  Jesus Christ.

  Always so good at the dirty talk.

  “Say it. Tell me you want me to fuck you. Tell me how much you want my cock inside you.” His hands tighten on me. Fingers biting into my ass.

  His eyes come back to mine, and I stare into them. Eyes that are cloudy with lust. For me. Seeing Zeus like this always gave me such a high. Knowing the sexual power I had over him was thrilling.

  It still is.

  I lean forward and touch my nose to his. My stare on him never wavering. “Stop talking. And just fuck me.”

  His eyes flash a seductive promise.

  I feel his fingers curl into the waistband of my panties. Then, I hear the telltale snap of elastic and feel the thrill-inducing cool air hit my heated parts.

  I don’t let him know I like it though. I might want him. But I’m not going easy on him. No way.

  “They were my favorite.” I scowl at him.

  “I’ll buy you some new ones.”

  “Break something. Fix it with money. That how you do things nowadays, Z?”

  I know I’ve hit a nerve from the flare of anger in his eyes. And that excites the hell out of me.

  “Tell me you love me,” he says through a clenched jaw.

  “Fuck you,” I bite.

  “I will when you say it, Dove.” He gently brushes his lips over mine. “Tell me you love me, and I’ll give you what you want. My cock deep inside you.”

  He thrusts up, pressing against my pussy, and I know I’ve soaked through the material of his shorts.

  He chuckles a knowing sound, and it sends fury hurtling through me.

  So, I sink my teeth into his bottom lip and bite down hard.

  He hisses and pulls back, tongue licking at the wound.

  And I get off on the taste of his pain on my tongue.

  “You wanna hurt me, Dove?”

  Yes. I want to hurt you. And fuck you. And love you…and Jesus fucking Christ! I feel like I’m going to explode with all the feelings burning up inside me.

  “So, hurt me. Do what you have to. Take what you need.”

  So, I do.

  I curl my hands around the back of his head and yank him back to me.

  I fiercely kiss him.

  It’s rage and want and pure, unadulterated need.

  Teeth clashing. Raw, painful, impassioned kissing.

  And he gives it right back to me.

  I shove my hands up inside his sweatshirt and rake my nails down his chest.

  He pushes up my sweater and yanks down the cup of my bra. Bending his head down, he takes my breast in his mouth.

  Teeth dragging over the delicate skin, he bites my nipple at the exact same time that he shoves a thick finger deep inside me from behind.

  “Ahh,” I moan.

  And then another finger before he starts to fuck me with them.

  “Always so fucking tight,” he groans.

  I drag his mouth back up to mine, needing to kiss him more than I need air.

  He’s fucking me with his hand, his palm slapping against my ass with each penetration of his fingers.

  And all I want—need to do is come.

  I grind my clit against his cock. The friction bringing stars to my eyes.

  I hear a sound of pure need and realize it came from me.

  Then, I hear an animalistic growl and know that came from Zeus.

  His fingers pull out of me.

  I whimper at the loss.

  He shoves his shorts down his hips.

  His cock—erect, long, and incredibly thick—presses against my thigh.

  I can feel his pre-cum wet against my skin.

  “Say it, Dove. Tell me you love me.”

  Intense eyes on mine are holding me prisoner.

  Biting my lip, I shake my head.

  He stares at me so intensely and for so long, an ache pierces my heart, spreading out across my chest.

  “Zeus…”

  In one practiced move, he thrusts up and inside me.

  “Fuck,” he grits out.

  My head thuds back against the wall on a strangled cry, eyes shutting against the wave of emotion at having him inside me again.

  It’s everything. And nothing I should want.

  “Look at me.”

  I can’t.

  I shake my head.

  His hand grabs my chin, forcing my face to his.

  I open my eyes to his brilliant blue eyes intently watching me. His cock is buried deep inside me. His body all around me.

  It’s too much. And not enough.

  “Say it.”

  I clench my jaw. “I can’t.” My voice wavers on the words.

  His expression shifts into something fiery. “Then, I’ll just fuck you until you can.”

  He pulls out to the tip and then slams back inside me.

  Needy lips find mine, passionately kissing me. Desperate hands grip my hips, fingers biting into my skin, as he screws me against the wall.

  Long, deep thrusts over and over, his body knowing how to bring mine to the brink. Working me up to the point of mindless desperation. But not giving me what I want. What I need.

  “Please, Z…” I whimper.

  “You want to come?”

  “Yes,” I breathe.

  In and out. Relentlessly fucking me. He tilts his hips a fraction, and—oh my God…

  “That’s it,” I moan. “Please, don’t stop.”

  His teeth sink into my neck. “Never.”

  His mouth comes back to mine, and I kiss him, desperately sucking on his tongue. His thrusts come quicker, and I know he’s as close as I am.

  “Tell me you’re mine,” he growls against my lips.

  The urgency in his voice loosens mine. “I’m yours.”

  He groans a sound of sweet relief. I feel it in every orifice of my body.

  “I love you,” he says between kisses. “So fucking much. I missed you so much.”

  And that’s what tips me over the edge. Muscles tightening, body spasming, mind numbing, I come around Zeus’s cock, triggering his orgasm.

  Hips jerking against mine, muffled curses moaned against my mouth. He comes long and hard inside me.

  Then, we’re just chasing breaths, slowly making our return to reality.

  The reality where we’re just two people who used to be together.

  And who just had sex against his hallway wall.

  Christ.

  We had sex.

  And it was amazing, and I enjoyed it. More than enjoyed it. I loved it.

  And…I want to do it again.

  Nope. No way, Cam. This guy hurt you like no one ever has before.

  And Gigi—you have to think of her.

  The mere thought of her name brings every reason I had not to do this with him, all of which I chose to ignore, screaming back at me. And finally slapping the sense into me that I so needed ten minutes ago.

  “Shit,” I whisper.

  He must hear it in the tone of my voice because worried blue eyes lift to mine. “Cam
?”

  “This was a mistake.” I drop my legs from around him and shove at him to let me go.

  He slips out of me. And I hate the emptiness he leaves behind.

  Tears start to burn my eyes from out of nowhere. Not wanting him to see, I quickly sidestep him and start righting my clothes. Covering my breasts up and yanking my skirt back down into place.

  I hear the rustle of his clothes as he covers himself behind me.

  I catch sight of my torn panties on the floor.

  Seeing them there, discarded and used, reminds me of how Zeus once made me feel like that.

  And that makes me feel weak and incredibly angry with myself. And him.

  I feel a warm trickle on my inner thigh.

  It takes my underused brain a good few seconds to register what it is.

  Then…

  Fuck.

  “We didn’t use a condom,” I fire out, whirling around on him.

  Surprise flickers in his eyes. Either he didn’t realize it either or he wasn’t expecting me to say that.

  “If you’re worried about getting pregnant—”

  “I’m not,” I snap. “I’m on the pill. Actually, I was on the pill the last time I got pregnant with you, and we weren’t using condoms then either, so maybe I should be worried.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

  “I’m not worried.”

  That makes me pause.

  He steps forward, closer to me. His expression softening. Eyes warm on me. But all I feel is a chill.

  “I can’t think of anything I want more than to have another kid with you. Except for maybe you and Gigi to come live with me, so we can finally be a family.”

  “Nope.” I step back, bumping into the wall. “No fucking way, Zeus.” I’m shaking my head as my back slides along the wall, one hand creeping toward the door. “Don’t you dare do this.”

  “What?” He’s following me with his eyes and body. “Tell you that I love you? That I want my girls living with me? That I want my family? Is that so fucking bad, Dove?”

  “It’s not happening.” I curl my fingers around the door handle, gripping it. “This was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again.”

  I’m trembling inside. Weak and running scared, and he knows it.

  If there’s one thing Zeus is good at, it’s sniffing out weakness in his opponent.

  And I stink of it.

  He takes a step closer. “I want you in my bed every night, Dove. My cock buried deep inside you, making love to you.” Another step. And another until he’s up close against me. “I want more kids with you. I want to see you carrying my baby inside you. I want my ring on your finger.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut against all the words he’s saying. The words I wanted to hear from him five years ago.

  But it’s too late now. Too much has happened. I’m not that girl anymore. And I have Gigi to think about.

  If Zeus and I got back together and it didn’t work out, it wouldn’t only hurt me. It’d hurt Gigi, too.

  And, if he disappeared on me again, like last time…

  I can’t do that to her. I can’t risk it.

  I might still love him. I clearly still want him.

  But I don’t trust him.

  And, without that, we have nothing.

  I open my eyes and glare up at him. “No.”

  “No?” he echoes.

  “We’re not getting back together. Yes, we had sex. But that was because we had unfinished business. We never theoretically got to say good-bye, and now, we’ve done that. So…our business is concluded.”

  His expression is incredulous. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

  “Loud and clear.” I frown.

  “Then, you know that you’re talking complete horseshit.”

  “Fuck you!” I bite.

  “Already have, and I intend on doing it again and again and again—”

  “God!” I yell. “I hate you so much!”

  “We’ve already established that as well. Right before you told me to put my cock inside you. See where I’m going with this, Dove?”

  “Argh!” I scream.

  Years and years’ worth of pent-up rage floods my veins, making me see red. I shove both my hands hard against his chest, but the bastard doesn’t move an inch.

  “I don’t want you!”

  “Stop lying,” he fires back.

  “Stop telling me what I think and feel!” I scream at him.

  “I’ll stop when you stop fucking lying to yourself!” he roars.

  Then, it’s silent. Only the fading sounds of our fury-filled words are left.

  Both of our chests are heaving from the physical and emotional exertion of the ire we feel toward each other.

  Then, he whispers my name, and it awakens me to the gravity of our situation.

  “I have to go.” I turn away from him and press down on the handle.

  He stops me with his hand on the door. “Don’t go.” His voice is soft, filled with the sweetest agony.

  I feel his firm chest pressing gently against my back. His racing heart is pounding through his chest, trying to reach me. His warm breath is blowing through my hair.

  “Stay. Please,” he whispers.

  I want to.

  It would be so easy to fall into him again.

  But I can’t.

  So, I close my eyes and let myself feel the pain I endured when he left me. How broken I was. How he broke me.

  And then I think about how much I love my daughter.

  And that’s enough to help me steel myself against him.

  I seal my heart off, open my eyes, and look back to him. “I have to go. Gigi is waiting for me.”

  His throat moves on a swallow. Indecision fills his eyes.

  Then, he moves his hand away from the door and steps back, giving me the space to leave.

  I exhale, pull open the door, and step outside.

  The freshness of the air hitting my face does nothing to clear my head.

  “Cam…”

  I stop, but I don’t turn around. If I do, I’ll crumble.

  I hear him move closer.

  Feel the warmth of him when he’s near.

  My heart starts to feel…to ache.

  I shut my eyes again, desperately fighting against my feelings.

  “Cam…” he says again, his voice deep and thick with emotion. “Just because I’m letting you go…doesn’t mean I’m letting you go.”

  The understanding of his words whispers through me, heading straight for my weakening heart, repairing and breaking it, all at the same time.

  “I fucking love you. I’ve loved you since I was seventeen years old and saw you standing at the fair, looking like the answer to a question I didn’t know I’d asked. I knew it then, and I still know it now. There is no one else for me. I’m yours. And you sure as hell are mine. We’re meant to be together. And the more you fight me on this, the more I’ll fight back—and twice as hard. And I’ll fight dirty if I have to. For as long as necessary. I’m here and ready to do this to get you back with me—where you belong. I’ve never lost a fight, Dove. And I don’t intend on losing this one. You’re far too fucking important to me for that to happen.”

  I pull in a shuddering breath. My heart hammering in my chest. Thoughts and feelings pulling me in two very different directions.

  I don’t say anything. I can’t say anything.

  I mean, what can I say to that?

  So, I do the only thing I can right now. I take a step forward, away from him, and then another and another. And I keep moving until I’m inside my car and driving away from him.

  But, deep down, I know it doesn’t matter how much distance I put between myself and Zeus because I’ve always been weak when it comes to him.

  Even now, I can hear his words in my head, smell his scent on my skin…feel his body against mine.

  And I crave these things. Like an addict.

  Maybe I have more of my mother inside me
than I realized.

  Knowing that and knowing Zeus and how he is when he wants something, it means I’m screwed.

  Because me against him…it’s like a gazelle going up against a lion.

  I won’t survive.

  I know it. And he knows it.

  So, there’s only one thing I can do.

  Avoid him like the plague.

  Avoiding someone when you have a kid together is as difficult as you think it would be.

  It’s been a week since The Mistake, as I’m referring to it.

  Saying I had sex—amazing, soul-searing, body-shivering sex—with Zeus has me saying stupid shit like that and making me want to turn up at his place and do it all over again.

  So, yeah, The Mistake, it is.

  Dodging Zeus is exhausting.

  And I’m ashamed to say that I’ve used my daughter as an aid for avoidance. I’m a terrible mother. But, whenever Zeus and I have had to be together in the same room because of Gigi, I’ve made sure to follow my four-year-old daughter around like a shadow at all times.

  I’m pathetic and weak.

  Aunt Elle has been amazing.

  After The Mistake, I drove straight home. Pretended like everything was okay. Then, after putting Gigi to bed, I fell apart. I literally cried on Aunt Elle’s shoulder.

  She didn’t pass judgment. She just listened to me.

  Then, she asked me what I wanted. And she said, if that was Zeus, then it was okay. It wasn’t something to be ashamed of because we love who we love. Or as it said in Selena Gomez’s song, “The Heart Wants What It Wants.”

  I didn’t pretend to Aunt Elle and say I didn’t love him still. Because what would be the point? I’ve loved Zeus since I was fifteen.

  Five years of his absence didn’t change that. So, at this point, I don’t think anything will.

  I know I’ll always love him.

  But trust him?

  His word counts for nothing with me. And I don’t know if it ever will again.

  The only thing I do trust is his love for Gigi. I know he’d never willingly hurt her.

  But he doesn’t see what I do.

  If Zeus and I got back together, Gigi would get attached to us as a family. And, if Zeus and I didn’t work out, it would hurt her. I won’t do that to her.

  I won’t do that to myself.

  No matter how much I love him.

  I told all of this to Aunt Elle.

  She told me that she loved me. That she was proud of me. And that she’d support whatever decision I made.