Ruin Read online

  Well, the Zeus I knew from five years ago. And irrespective of what he did to me, going by his reaction to finding out that he had a daughter, I would imagine it to be true.

  Knowing all this, after I saw him last night, I did a Google search on him to see why he was here in New York. I had a gut feeling it was for a fight, and I was right. He’s fighting Roman Dimitrov in twelve weeks.

  I’d say I was shocked he was going to fight again, but I’m not. It’s who Zeus is. Boxing is all he knows.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he says low.

  I flash a look his way. “No, you don’t.”

  “You’re thinking I’m a bastard to fight after what happened with Scott. You’re also thinking that I’ll be at training camp to intensively prep for this fight with Dimitrov, so I won’t have time for Gigi.”

  “Aside from the fact that I can’t believe you’re fighting Dimitrov—the guy’s a complete psycho—”

  “I can take him, Cam,” he cuts me off.

  “And maybe lose a chunk of flesh in the process.”

  Dimitrov bit his last opponent on his neck when he was getting the better of him. Took a chunk out of him. The guy is a dog.

  “He won’t get near me,” Zeus growls, sounding pissy that I’m even questioning him on this.

  “Whatever, Zeus. Do what you want. You always have. But I know for a fact that you won’t have time for Gigi in the lead up to this fight. And I’m not introducing you into her life now, only for you to disappear on her in a few weeks.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “Maybe wait until the fight is over.” I soften my tone. “Then, we’ll introduce you into her life.”

  “No. I want to know my daughter now. I’ll postpone the fight if I have to.”

  That does surprise me. But knowing he would do that for her makes me feel a little better about bringing him into her life.

  “Won’t that cause you problems?” I ask.

  “Let me worry about that. Marcel set up the fight. And, with the way things stand with him and me right now, he’s going to be lucky if he’s still breathing when I’m finished with him.”

  “Okay, so you postpone the fight. It’ll still have to happen at some point. You’ll still be boxing. You’ll still be spending inordinate amounts of time away from Gigi when you’re training.”

  “You want me to quit?”

  “I’m not asking you to do anything.”

  “Don’t shy away from the truth, Cam. It’s not you.”

  “Like I said, I don’t want my daughter getting attached to you, only for you to disappear on her.” I know just how much it hurts, having Zeus in your life and for him to one day be gone.

  The look he throws my way sears right through me. “I won’t disappear on her.”

  “You said those exact words to me,” I toss back at him. “At the airport, the first time you left to go to the Olympics. ‘I’m not gonna disappear on you, Dove,’” I say, imitating his voice.

  “Jesus, Cam. I know I screwed up big time with us. And I hate that I did. I can’t change that. But I can promise that I won’t screw up with Gigi. But you can’t ask me to quit boxing at the moment. I have to fight. I don’t have a choice.”

  “Of course you don’t.” I laugh emptily. “Your bank account must’ve taken a hammering over the years with all the women you’ve been entertaining.”

  Jesus, I’m bitter. I don’t know how many women there’s been since me. But, a week after Zeus broke up with me, he was photographed, shopping with some model. I figured it was the one he’d cheated on me with. And I took it as his message to me to stay away.

  His gaze snaps to mine. Eyes wide and angry. “I’m okay for money. But I have a family to support. A brother and sister in college. And, now, I have my daughter’s future to secure. So, no, Cam, I can’t stop fighting right now. The Dimitrov fight will bring in big money. I have to do it.”

  “And then you’re done?”

  He looks at me and slowly shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

  “So, you want to come into my daughter’s life and just be there when you can be?”

  “Cam—”

  “Don’t Cam me. I know what it’s like when you’re training for a fight. It can take you away for months at a time.”

  “You’re not being fair.”

  “No, you’re not being fair. I won’t have you hurting my daughter, Zeus.”

  “She’s my daughter, too! And I’ve missed four years of her life because you didn’t try hard enough to contact me!” he bellows so loud that, at first, it takes me aback, winds me. But then it incites me to levels of anger I didn’t know existed within me until now.

  I get to my feet. “Fuck. You. Zeus. You cheated on me. You slept with another woman. You left me. You broke up with me over the phone. You didn’t even have the courtesy of saying it to my face. Then, you cut me off cold. Even blocked my e-mails, for fuck’s sake! How was I supposed to contact you? I couldn’t get near you to talk to you. I did the best I could. I spoke to the one person who did have access to you. It’s not my fault he’s a deceptive son of a bitch. What I did might not have been as good as what the almighty Zeus would have done, but I did what I could. And I have successfully raised my daughter for the past four years without you. I don’t need you. And Gigi sure as hell doesn’t.”

  I know what I’m saying is shitty and wrong. But I want to hurt him in this moment, just like he hurt me.

  “Cam. Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it…” He gets to his feet, eyes bright with panic, and reaches for me.

  I step away from his reach and protectively fold my arms around my chest. “Yes, you did. And, now, it’s time for you to leave.”

  “No, please. Cam.” He scrubs his hand over his head, fingers gripping the strands of hair. “I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean it, and you know I don’t. My head is just all over the place. I just found out I’ve got a daughter, for Christ’s sake. And I might not be thinking a hundred percent straight. But Gigi is my daughter, and I want to be a part of her life. I need to be a part of her life. And I swear to you and her that nothing will ever come in the way of my relationship with Gigi. I will never hurt her.”

  I stare at Zeus, wavering between anger, anguish, and the knowledge that I can’t keep his daughter from him. It’s not who I am. It’s not in me to hurt someone that way. And keeping Gigi from him would only hurt her, and I will never hurt her.

  I relax my hold on myself and exhale a breath. “If you let her down, Zeus…I’ll kill you myself.”

  “I won’t let her down. I swear to God.” He steps closer to me. So close that I can smell his aftershave. That same unfamiliar yet familiar scent.

  “You changed your aftershave,” I say. I know it’s a stupid thing to say the instant the words are out of my mouth, but knowing that he wanted to erase me from his life, even down to this, bothers me. Hurts me.

  “The old one reminded me of you,” he says low.

  Well, hell, if that doesn’t sting.

  I’m staring at his chest. I don’t want him to see the emotion in my eyes right now.

  “Well, I’m sorry I was a bother. I guess it must have been awkward, fucking other women with the scent of the last one all over you.”

  “Jesus, Cam. That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

  “Do I?” I make the error of looking up into his eyes. I know it’s a mistake the second I do.

  It’s like dynamite being tossed onto an already raging fire between us.

  Attraction explodes between us.

  Zeus’s eyes are burning for me in that way they used to, and it makes my soul ache. I feel a million things in this moment. Not one of them sensible or smart.

  It reminds me of days long gone. Wanting each other was never a problem for us. Even in the early days of our relationship when we were taking things slow. I always knew Zeus wanted me.

  Until he wanted other people.

  And that is like a bucket
of cold water over my head.

  I step back and wrap my arms around myself. My heart is hammering in my chest. “Gigi will be home soon,” I say, needing him to leave now. “It’d probably be better if you weren’t here when she came home.”

  “Okay,” he agrees. “But can I see her tomorrow?”

  “Yes. I’ll talk to her when she gets home. Let her know we’ll be spending some time with a new friend tomorrow.”

  As I walk him to the door, I ask about his family, “How’s your dad?”

  “Still drunk.” Zeus shrugs it off like it doesn’t matter, but I know better. “I put him in rehab twice,” he tells me. “It didn’t stick either time. He doesn’t want to get sober. He gave up on living a long time ago. Now, he’s just drinking himself to the grave.”

  That makes me hurt for him.

  Brett Kincaid has been an alcoholic ever since I’ve known Zeus. He’s not a mean drunk. Just a useless one. He started drinking after Zeus’s mom, Grace, died. And it steadily got worse—to the point where he quit working and basically stayed home, drinking, all day long. That was when Zeus took over, caring for his brothers and sister. He left school before graduation and got a day job in a meat factory. He kept up with boxing, doing more fights to make money, and somehow managed to make time for me as well.

  It was when he got invited to represent America at the Olympics that life took a turn for the better for him. But it was also the start of the end of us. His boxing career took off. And I got left behind, battered and bruised, in the wake of his success.

  “I’m really sorry to hear that,” I tell him. “Knowing he’s got a granddaughter might help,” I add hopefully.

  “Yeah, maybe.” But he doesn’t sound convinced.

  “How’s Ares doing?” I ask as we reach the door.

  He was at Penn State. Starting quarterback for the Lions.

  Zeus smiles, probably the first real smile that I’ve seen on him since he walked back into my life last night. “He got drafted by the Giants. First pick. He’s in his second season with them.”

  “Wow. That’s amazing,” I say, and I mean it. I always liked Ares. “How about the twins?”

  “Lo’s in his third year at Penn State. He followed Ares there. And Missy’s in her third year at Dartmouth.”

  Lo and Missy are Zeus’s nicknames for Apollo and Artemis.

  “I’m not surprised they went to separate universities. Lo and Missy always wanted their independence from each other.” I snicker.

  “Yeah.” Zeus chuckles. “They definitely fight less now that they live apart.”

  “That’s great though,” I tell him as I open the door to let him leave. “It sounds like they’re all doing really well. You must be proud.”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  He walks outside, and I stand by the door, holding it.

  “What will you tell them about Gigi?” I ask him.

  “The truth.”

  “They’re going to hate me.”

  “They’re going to hate Marcel. Well, not that they particularly like him anyway. Not many people do.”

  “You included.”

  “Yep.”

  “Why stay with him all these years if he’s such a bastard?”

  “Because he brings in the best fights. And he’s only a bastard to other people. Not to me. Well”—he lets out a humorless laugh—“or so I thought.”

  “Why do you think he did it? Lied to both of us?”

  He briefly closes his eyes and exhales a harsh breath before staring back at me. “For the reason Marcel does everything—money.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I was on the rise. I was set to make him a lot of money, which I have. But he always saw you as a threat to ‘my success’—as he called it. He was always on my back, saying that you were an unnecessary distraction.”

  Ouch.

  “Unnecessary. Nice.”

  He winces. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I guess it explains why…well, whatever. It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

  He’s staring at me. His expression unreadable. “Cam—”

  “So, I was a distraction, and what? He thought Gigi would have been an even bigger distraction,” I cut him off before he can say something that I really don’t want to hear.

  “Yeah.” He shrugs. “I guess he thought that, if I knew you were pregnant, my focus would have been on you and the baby. Not boxing. Which it absolutely would’ve been. Marcel wouldn’t have wanted that. He sees the fighters he manages and promotes as investments. He wanted a return on me, which he got.”

  “What will you do…about Marcel?”

  I watch as his hands flex at his sides.

  “Something.”

  “Zeus, please don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I won’t.” He nods.

  But the look in his eyes doesn’t make me fully believe him.

  “There’s something else…” I say.

  “You’re seeing someone?” he says roughly, making my spine straighten like I was just hit with a cattle prod.

  “What? Where in the hell did that come from?”

  He grits his teeth, holding my eyes. “I don’t want another guy coming between me getting to know my daughter, Cam.”

  I frown. “No one will be interfering with you getting to know your daughter, Zeus.”

  He nods. “So…is there a guy?”

  Rich.

  I shift on my feet and swallow. “Yes. No. Kind of. It’s not serious,” I tell him. Why I tell him that it’s not serious with Rich, I have no clue. That incites me to add, “Not that it’s any of your business.”

  His jaw tightens. He can’t hide his anger from me. I just don’t get why he is angry.

  “If he’s around Gigi, then it is my business.”

  Ah, so that’s why.

  “Gigi doesn’t know that Rich and I are seeing each other. She thinks he’s just a guy I work with.”

  “At the club?”

  “No. The station. He’s a police officer. I work in admin at Aunt Elle’s precinct during the day. I only work at the club on weekends.”

  “Jesus, Cam. You work two jobs?”

  “Gigi’s always well cared for,” I state defensively.

  “That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m talking about you working two jobs to earn money to care for our kid.”

  “I’m fine for money. The job at the station gives me enough for us to live comfortably. Living here with Aunt Elle takes off the pressure. I only dance at the club…well, for me, so I don’t forget how to dance. And the extra money I earn there, I’m saving for when Gigi’s older.”

  “Well, you don’t need to now. I’ll be giving you all the money you need for Gigi. So, you can quit both jobs.”

  “I’m not quitting my job!” I exclaim.

  His eyes narrow. “Why? So that you can keep on seeing your secret boyfriend?”

  My brows slam angrily together. “Rich isn’t my boyfriend. And I’m not quitting my job because I don’t need you taking care of me.” Asshole, I silently add at the end.

  “Well, I’m giving you money either way because I take care of what’s mine.”

  “I’m not yours,” I fire back at him.

  He steps forward. “No. But Gigi is. And you’re her mother.”

  I step back and fold my arms over my chest. “Whatever. I’m not quitting my job.”

  He sighs heavily. “Do what you want, Cam. Just make sure that Deputy Dick doesn’t get in my way, and then we won’t have any problems.”

  “Deputy Dick? Jesus, Zeus. Childish much? And, for your information, he’s not a deputy.”

  “Traffic cop? Thought so.”

  “He’s a police officer,” I snap. “God, why are you being such an asshole about this?”

  His face instantly clears, and he steps away.

  I hate the way he can just wipe emotion away like it was never there. Like it never mattered.

  “You’re right. I am being a dick
. It won’t happen again. What time should I be here tomorrow?”

  I loosen my arms, letting some of the tension go from them.

  “Eleven a.m. We can take Gigi out to the park. She loves it there. I’ll come with you this time and probably the next few times. Afterward, I won’t come along. It’s just that she doesn’t know you right now, and—”

  “You don’t have to explain, Cam. I’m glad you’ll be there.”

  Glad. I’m not really sure how to take that.

  He steps off the porch. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow at eleven.”

  “Yeah, just…”

  “Just what?”

  “There’s something else I wanted to ask.”

  “Hit me with it.”

  “You’re in the public eye. I don’t want that for Gigi.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll keep her protected.”

  “Okay.” I breathe my relief. “Thank you.”

  “Not necessary. I’ll see you tomorrow, Cam.” He turns and starts to walk down the path.

  I watch him leave, this strange clutching feeling in my chest.

  “Zeus?” I call.

  He stops immediately and turns around to me.

  I walk to the edge of the porch. “Can I ask you something else?”

  He moves a few steps back toward me. “You can ask me anything.”

  I wrap my hand around the wooden porch post, leaning my hip against it. “Why did you come today? I thought it was because of Gigi, but you didn’t know about her.”

  Zeus pushes his hands into his pockets. His eyes sweep the ground before they come back to rest on mine, strong and focused but also resigned. He exhales a breath and parts his lips. “For you. I came for you, Dove.”

  Then, without another word, he turns and walks away.

  And I let him.

  God, what a mess.

  All these years, Zeus had no clue that Gigi existed.

  Aunt Elle was suspicious at first when I told her that Zeus knew nothing about me being pregnant and that Marcel had lied to both me and Zeus.

  She said, “Just because Zeus said it doesn’t make it true.”

  I questioned why he would have lied.

  And she shrugged and said, “Why does anyone lie?”

  I hadn’t even considered it, to be honest.